tortoise dull one

Dear DMC,

Always on the lookout for a scheme to raise money for my daughter, who is a poor student, I have hit on the idea of opening up a Tortoise Grooming Parlour and have her work there in her spare time. I have made a detailed study of the subject and although there are plenty of dog groomers around, I have not found anyone specialising in tortoises, in my area at least.

Before proceeding however, I would be grateful for your advice and opinion: Do you think there would be a demand for this service?

And Is this a suitable business for a Dull Man to be associated with?

Any advice would be appreciated.

Andy Orr
Saltcoats, Scotland


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Dear Andy,

My first thought is that, if the tortoises were painted our favorite color, they wouldn’t look much different than they looked before entering your parlour.

But then I went to Google Images and found that not all tortoises were in their natural, dull color:


One area where colors might be justified is for Tortoise Races. Colors on the backs of the racers would be a great way to identify them throughout the race. A temporary technique for applying the racing stripes would be best; the tortoises can then return to their natural colors, which of course we like, after the race.

As for your question “Would there be a demand for this service?”. I’m not sure there is a big demand yet. But part of your marketing campaign can be to build the demand. “If you build it, they will come,” [Field of Dreams].